I read something the other day that left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. At first i ignored it. Nothing to do with me, so just leave my two pennies out, safest that way. Or so i thought. I've thought about it and thought about it and it's gotten to the point that i want to bang heads together.

The word manipulative has been playing over and over in my head.

Sympathy is a hell of a strong emotion, I would actually argue that its the strongest. I have a book of power, bascially it teaches you to slowly and securely climb up in life using other people.Playing majorly on sympthy to begin with, Not the nicest of books to read but it's pretty damn true.

I like watching people, i'll sit happy for hours watching people interact seeing who the strongest is in a group. I done this at school, if a group started leaning on my group i would sit and watch them just to figure out who to take down first, the strongest are not always the loudest sometimes its the ones with the most emotional baggage because the rest of the group is determined to keep them safe they are put on a pedestal afraid to offend them they are never told when they go to far or start acting like a cunt. My group was the same, we used to be equals then one girls mum died and normally she was upset. We pulled so tight around her that no one got to even mention her mum or you would be seeing me or one of the others after school. We put her right in the middle let her start running things and eventually just got used to her calling the shots. Even after years. But with power comes abuse. Even if you don't see it straight away be careful because it is there. She started causing little niggles between friends because she liked the attention on her and if people got on she had an emotion crisis of some sort never coming out and saying because people were getting on great with out her but looking back it was clearly attention that kept her going.

Its hard to believe how childish some people can be.

I've never been into this whole self pity party depression woe is me shit. Yeah i was a goth for a few years but you know what i was a happy little goth because i knew it was a phase. I didn't suddenly think ohh jesus the world is just to much for my little 16 year old self and no one will never understand so i think i'll just cut myself because that will work. In one sentence, and i don't care who this offends, I was never retarded enough to go looking for the sympathy of others. If you personally know me you'll know i'm a happy-ish person most of the time. I do normaly things like drinking dancing and keeping good company. I am however also normal i've been bullied, lost people i love and have down days but i accept thats life, I get on with it. When it gets hard i suck it up. That's life that's what you do. How is sitting at home crying in your room helping you or anyone else,I'm pretty damn sure when my granda walked out on my gran leaving her with no money and two little girls to raise she decided to cut herself, or no maybe it was the time when she had to sign up to fight for her country, the one that wouldn't support her financially because her husband had left, that she thought about topping a bottle of pills no no no im getting this all wrong it was when she was shot at by a german fighter plane in the middle of the high street while out shopping with her two daughters that she knew she would go home and write a fucking angsty journal. Don't you dare tell me that your life is full of stress. STRESS? what fucking stress? you are 18, you don't work, you sit and piss about on the computer most of the day and when you see a sad picture of a starving child you sit and cry, if your so bothered sell your computer and donate the money as tesco says every little helps right? When you have an abusive relationship, fight in a war that you dont want, or have some sort of accident that leaves you unable to live as completly as you once did then come talk to me about having stress because then your entitled to say you are stressed not because the world doesn't understand you.

Kids these days are just not made of the same stuff, I hate to say it as there is only 5 years between us but i cant be doing with this whole emo shit. Where the hell do you think cutting your self and crying is going get you in life - i can tell you but are you strong enough to accept that until you grown up and stop using the leverage that you fail. At life and being a "friend". Friends can have arguments and bitch at one another thats the joys of being friends but with you they can't they have to watch your feeling's incase you go off on one again, then think of the guilt that would leave them....or wait is that what you do? Have you ever thought that other people have stuff going on that they can't speak to you about because you are so busy being wrapped up in you. Complaining because people dont send you messages or texts, funny i know i've sent you a few texts and i can tell you how many you have responded to. zero. Double standards suck huh?

Depending on others for a little happiness is not weak. If anything it shows strength that you can accept your human. Humans depend on each other is what we fucking do. Don't think that it's acceptable that you rely on your friends and yet other people aren't allowed to.I used to turn to my gran she was my rock, even when i was fully gothed up and towering over her in my great big boots i was at her house every day giving. She gave me the support even on the days when she should have turned me back to the world i got a cup of tea and a talk. Why is it acceptable that you count on your friends to keep you going when your down yet, when someone who might have personal issues going that you don't know about its wrong and pathetic?.

Now , as much as i hate playing the older and wiser card , this is me bestowing my - I'm older, I've been there so i actually know this is its not just song lyrics or angry thoughts knowledge. Friends grown up and apart. Think about your very first best friend. Mine was a girl called natasha. She was awesome, Shame i was only two when we met are we still best friends of course the fuck not. Don't be fucking retarded, what do you think life is a disney film? Helen was my next best friend and yeah i loved the girl to bits in the non lesbian way and we were inseparable for nearly 15 years. Are we still friends? no we grew up and apart this is a normal part of life. Get a grip and grow up. If you have stopped liking a person or have never really been that much of a best friend to a person don't throw your toys out of the pram when they decide they have had enough of you. Yeah it hurts a little bit, but you bitched and moaned yourself so really its no big loss is it.

Now heres some more of the moral high horse shit and i dont care yet again. - When you earn your own money you can spend it however the hell you want. No matter what your job is, wether like me and have a shitty first job and have to cut up stinking fish or you get a cushy office job its a job your earning your own money your paying your own way. No i wasnt the best worker in the place, my temper had me quit 3 times, take a boss my the throat and another was told to pick a window, because her head was going out it, yeah i have some anger issues do you see me sitting in the dark crying. But at the end i still had a job and i still work. My mummy doesn't have to pay shit for me. She doesn't send me off round the world nor does she indulge me when i'm feeling a bit shit, i do the adult thing of -suck it up. You want to be a big grown up, how about you stop whining and go get a job. Bitching about tax payers money - I'm sorry how much do you contribute?! exactly. You try to talk like an adult lets see you actually start to live like one. Your own life is in a big enough mess - your words not mine - how about you stop trying to interfere and tear apart someone elses' just because there fed up of your shit.
Its clear that you depend on you parental units just as much as the next teenager so stop think your better and wiser because from where i'm sitting you looking more and more like a hypocrite.

My last rant was 7 months ago and i named gordon who i thought was a friend.When you hurt me that's it. game over. I dont sit and slag someone off then say well you better call me after to sort this out. If i have a problem with someone i will try my hardest to confront them face to face & work it out, I do not normally air my little rants on the internet why, because thats not a grown up thing to do is it? This time though its not a possibility and At first i considered a private email i thought, but then i also expected somone else to say something you know since we are ment to be friends i thought someone else would kinda say well look your pissed and all but you know what theres better ways to do this. Instead it seems to be lets all take the side of the person that's bitching. There is always two sides to every story, some people just are to pussy to ask for the other version of events. Me? I personally don't care what the happened i'm just getting fed up of molly-coddling and double standards.

If you think this rant is aimed at you - your probably right. Now i'm off to pack for madrid. I'm going away for a week. Oh and p.s my gran wasn't a self harmer nor would she ever consider it the same as i wouldn't, i have to much respect for my friends and family to put them through that worry but then its not always just about me.